Exhausted

So for the past three days or so, I've been on Facebook checking out the millions of cloth diaper pages! Wow. There are a ton. It's amazing. They are always giving things away, having competitions. It's great. I haven't yet won anything, but I've learned a lot and found some new products that I will be trying out when I get some extra money. (Extra money? Ehhh. Better not wait until I get that...who EVER has extra money? Bill Gates? Donald Trump? Bad wording there.) I will wait until the next pay check...? That sounds better. LOL.

Wool dryer balls, Pure Bebe Super Stars, many different kinds of cloth diapers. It's incredible. I feel like I've been introduced to another world! LOL.

pureMotherhood
Pure Bebe
My Baby Pumpkin
I <3 Fluff
Sew Funky Baby Slings
Happy Cotton Tails
Urban Sprout Baby Boutique
Huckleberry Baby Shop
Doopsy
Sweet Bottoms Baby Boutique
Sew Crafty Baby Cloth Diapers
Mommy Secrets
The Cloth Diaper Whisperer
Top to Bottom Baby Boutique
Little Lady Designs
Cloth Diapers, Inc.
Chubby Cherubs Cloth Diaper Naturals
Rumparooz
BumGenius


All of these can be found on FACEBOOK! Check them out, and if you do, make sure you tell them I sent you. They are always giving things away! Totally worth a look! Good luck.

Sunday

So it's just Sunday. My husband and I took our kids to the Sports park. Grayson and I hung out in the shade, and Kendall and Jeremy played! She played her first quarter of mini golf! LOL. She was bored about 6 holes in. 2 year old, go figure. So we decided to take her on the water bumper boats. That would have been fun if my parents or siblings were there with us, but it was just Kendall and her dad....so fairly boring. Haha, I was just thinking. I have this cousin, who I haven't seen in years but speak to on Facebook. We live (I believe) about 12 blocks from each other (I don't know where she lives...but I've told her my address and she said she was close by) So, anyhow...we have been trying to get together out at my mom's house for months. Literally. This girl says she will be somewhere, and swears to it...she *supposedly* has everything ready and then BAM at the last minute something awful and drastic happens and she can't make it. The first time we were supposed to get together, she had a seizure and wet her pants, almost wrecked her car but her son managed to save them by grabbing the wheel. She had to go back home and change and head to the hospital to make sure she was fine. Another time, she thought she was pregnant. And she was super sick because of it. Then a week later, we find out she "miscarried". One time her son got REALLY sick at the VERY last minute. Another time, well no I can't remember her excuse for that one. She has promised to stop over on this day and that day. Never shows. She says she owns many businesses, owns and rents out homes, has a dealer ship, has a body shop, etc etc. She was going to adopt this baby, but then decided against it because the baby has medical problems, all of a sudden. Bad ones.? WTF is all that is running through my head. I told her that my family doesn't care whether you are rich or poor, married or single, living large or just living...it doesn't matter to us. We would just like to see you once in a while because we are family. That's about the time I stopped hearing from her. Then about a week or so later, after I talked to her son ONLINE a few times and she is talking to me again. It's weird. All around weird.

In laws...

So today was the day I'd been planning for months. My little sister's bridal shower! I woke up, showered...got all ready...was nursing my baby while my husband ate breakfast and loaded the car. And then I got a call from my sister. Wanting to know where I was and how long I would be. I said probably an hour and twenty minutes. We have a 45 minute drive and still had to go to the store. She was cool with that and said she would see me then. So about 5 minutes later I get a call from her fiance (my current brother in law...yeah I know weird right? My husband and him have different dads, so whatever it is what it is.) Anyhow. He calls and he says well do you think you could like get down here now, get your crap together and get going? And of course this was after he asked me what I was doing and how long I would be (to which I replied I was nursing and an hour and twenty minutes). So yeah, he wanted me to quickly nurse my son and get going. He informed me that my sister was sitting alone at the pavilion we were having her bridal shower at, and would be until I got there. Well I was under the impression that he was to sit there and save the spot for her. We had been talking about this for months! Otherwise I would have rented one, and had it RESERVED! So I call my sister to tell her to leave, that I would figure it out if she didnt want to sit there, no big deal. And she says that it isn't a problem, she didn't mind sitting there, and then I heard it in her voice. She was crying. On her day. HER DAY! Grr. I was sooo angry. We loaded up the car, stuffed the baby in and were off. We made it in an hour, maybe a little less, who knows. Plenty of time before the shower. Had tons of time to set and and time to spare. In the mean time (while we were on our way) my brother in law goes back to my sister and starts in with her....asking her why they were even getting married, and starts throwing weird things at their vehicles (water bottle and granola bar) Yeah and this was after he called my husband and said that I hung up on him and that was immature. Haha some people. So my sister told him to F off, and she left. Thankfully she came back or I would have hunted him down with a baseball bat! This was her day and he ruined it. Well anyhow, after we all got there and everything was set up....she was calm and ready to have a great day. I had everything planned out and ready to go! So the rest of her day went well and the bridal shower was great. You think they would have hashed it out when she got home, at least talked about it. But no. They didn't. She let it become 'water under the bridge' ( I do believe that is how the saying goes) Just completely acting like nothing happened. I told my husband that if he ruined my bridal shower like that, I doubt I would have married him. Who wants to start a marriage out like that? And I was ALMOST accepting that she was going to marry him, after months of telling her not to. She is smart, beautiful, and just better than that. She deserves better. Her real problem, she doesn't think she is all that special and she wouldn't know where to even begin to look for someone else. Plus I think she believes that this is what you do when you are in your 20s, and yes for some...that is what they do. For others, not so much. I just hope this works out for her....poor girl.

You shall remain nameless....

So I am on this site today, I get frequent emails from this site about my growing baby, and I came across something that bothered me!!

"Today's society puts a lot of pressure on new moms to breastfeed. No doubt breast milk is the perfect first food. However, there are many reasons why breastfeeding just doesn't work for some women and their babies, including illness, discomfort, and frustration.

Guilt over not breastfeeding can hit especially hard if you had planned during pregnancy to do so but then circumstances made it impossible or more difficult than you'd expected.

Both breast milk and commercial formula nourish growing babies. If you've given up on breastfeeding — or are thinking of doing so — be sure to discuss your choice with your doctor or a certified lactation consultant. Talk through your feelings and don't be too hard on yourself. The main thing to remember is that how you feed your baby is ultimately not as important as providing love and care"

Really? Really? I mean for goodness sakes people!

I immediately typed out an email informing this site of my disgust in their post. I don't think society puts enough pressure on women to breastfeed, if anything I think formula feeding is put on women! I'm glad they agree that breastmilk is the PERFECT first food. What a relief that they actually know that part! Sometimes, yes, breastfeeding doesnt work. The reasons they listed are crap. That's right, C R A P. (Okay, the illness, maybe they have something there) but discomfort and frustration?! Really? Yes world, give up because you are frustrated. Gosh if that were our motto, could you imagine the stuff that we would not have? I mean, I'm sure it wasn't easy to invent electric...but it happened, he pushed past the frustration and overcame whatever obstacles! And tada, we have electric! And discomfort? Really, I am a fair skinned girl, the first three weeks of nursing were the worst for me. It was awful. But no one told me I was just doing it wrong (where was the pushy society then? I was at my wits end, almost gave up here...) nope. With the help of my loving supportive husband I pushed through the pain and my little baby and I figured out how to nurse properly, and the pain went away. And those three weeks that were awful are a mere memory to the great 19 months of nursing that followed.

How you feed your baby is just as important as the love and care you provide. Babies need all of this. All of it. Why don't you read up on the nourishment that formula will offer your baby....I swear when I was nursing my baby...there was a huge recall on formula and mothers had to worry about what kind and what was in it...not me, I made mine, and I knew what I put in it. I just get so angry when I read things like this.

Breastmilk

Okay so this is a breastmilk day. Gosh you have no idea how incredibly mad it makes me to see girls/women choosing to formula feed their babies!! The hospitals around here pretend like they promote breastfeeding, haha. What a joke. They give out tons of formula samples, and you get all kinds of free goodies from the formula making companies, diaper bags, bottle cleaners, ice packs, etc. Crazy! When I was in the hospital (ugh yes I admit I had a hospital birth at first) I was very new to breastfeeding as my mother chose to formula feed. While I believe my mother did right by us for the most part, I think that formula feeding was just easier, this way she could go right back to work (part of me blames my dad for not being steady in employment) Anyhow, so very little in the breastfeeding knowledge department. If it weren't for my husband, I probably wouldn't have even known breastfeeding was an option (WTF, right?) My husband's mother breastfed, but she is hardly around...so also very little help. Anyhow, the nurses at the hospital told my husband and I that it was okay to supplement the breastmilk with formula, and it was okay to give a pacifier, heck the one nurse said I couldn't sleep in bed with my baby, that she had to lay in the hard 'baby bed' on wheels. And that same nurse thought that my husband and I needed sleep, so she just wanted to take our baby on her rounds!! Are you shitting me? No way. If I need sleep, I'll get it later. My baby was not leaving my sight, and if she did (it was only for a second for a hearing test, completely unnecessary by the way) my husband went with her. So anyhow, dont listen to what some of the nurses tell you...they are just a mere product of their knowledge. Poor them. I saw the same thing happen with another younger girl. The nurses thought she wasn't producing enough milk for the baby, so they told her to give the baby formula. What on earth are these nurses thinking? Really? Breastmilk will sustain a baby for 6 months. Goodness this infuriates me beyond belief. So now this girl is strictly formula feeding. Another girl I know, well she is 6 weeks from her 'guess date' (yes I am a hypnobabies momma!!) and she is already talking about how she just can't wait to be relaxing on her back porch with her friends, sipping on some select beverages. Seriously? The few days after having a precious gift like that and all you can think about is getting a buzz? Really? I'm sorry but a few days after I had my baby, I was still in my baby moon, drunk on the love for a new precious being that my husband and I created. What's wrong with these girls? I don't mean to sound old fashioned, but good gosh. Grow up. Really. I see the one mother feeding her baby some green goop out of a bowl, why in the world would that baby need semi-solid foods already, she is barely 8 pounds. My little boy is almost 14 pounds and he still loves his mommy milk. Fill him right up. I couldn't live with myself if I were a part of the formula companies, hell for that matter, the drug companies. But again, another story for another day. Why can't we promote breastmilk. I always tell people I'm just too lazy to formula feed, I couldn't imagine getting out of bed and trying to figure out how to make a bottle, warm it up. Sorry can't do it. Not to mention, when my little ones were hungry in the middle of the night, there was NO time to wait, they wanted it now. And I feel they sleep easier because of that, as do I. Did I mention that my very own mother said that everything would be fine if I just gave in to the formula. That's what the formula is there for. Apparently I was nursing improperly, and I had bleeding nipples for three weeks. I don't know if it's because I am fair skinned, and have sensitive nipples, or if it really was because I was nursing wrong, but for some reason, breastfeeding hurt extremely bad for the entire first 3 weeks. I was at my wits end one night, and my mom says...it's fine. Go ahead and give her formula. She has no idea what that would have done to me? I would have hated myself. I almost gave my daughter a bottle of formula. I poured it, mixed it, warmed it...and went to lay next to her. She rejected it. Clearly, she was already hooked on her mommy milk. Dont blame her at all. And my husband...well I had him in my ear saying honey you can do this. This is what is best for our baby. You are doing great. And so I continued breastfeeding. And I fed her until she was 20 months. And I loved every minute after the 3 weeks. Every minute. And I thank my husband for that. What an amazing man I married. Really.

Contemplating...

So I am thinking today about my day to day life. I thought for a second or so about my day. Every day is the same, I wake up, take care of my son (diaper, playing, nurse, nap). Then it's time for housework. I have an amazing husband who does the dishes for me, daily! Then I sit on the couch to check my email because my sister and husband email me once in a while. Then my little girl wakes up. I get her a drink (milk or water) and a peanut butter bagel, then she goes to the potty. You can see where I am going with this can't you? It's the same thing, over and over. The weekends and some of the nights when my husband is home are a little different, but otherwise not much. As I said though, I thought for a second, gosh this gets old. Yet, another second later, I was remembering that I hate drama, and change. Haha. So I should be thankful that I have everything I have and that it is the way I want it. I think I got to thinking this way because my husband has an interest in the Air Force. Which could completely change our lives forever, yet, semi-selfishly....I can't stand the thought of him leaving us. I need him. He said I would be fine, and I'm sure I would. I mean there are millions of military families out there, right? Anyhow, the fact that he would be gone is another story for another day. It's the changes I was referring to, I was almost mildly excited to do those things. Live in different states, fly on airplanes, take the kids all over with us. I just can't get over the leaving him stuff. He's my life. Ugh again, another story. So I should be happy...just where I am. Yet there is a part of me that wants much more out of life. I'm so torn with everything, and here I am jotting this stuff down...scatter brained. I can't even get one thought out without having five more jump in. I love my life, I truly do. Just some days I want more, but not for me....for my husband and my kids. As long as they are happy, I will be too. And I suppose the kids are happy...and the hubby is mostly happy (hates his job)...otherwise though. I should just be thankful that I have what I have when I have it, just as I have it. Ehh what a mess of a blog. Haha. It is what it is.

Interesting....

So I just wanted a daily place to jot down the every day stuff that happens. A small record of what the kids did, and how sane I was for the day. Haha. I'm 24, living in Pennsylvania, married to a great guy, with two beautiful little kids!! Kendall, she's two, and has a personality you can't help but love. Grayson, he's 7 weeks, although he doesn't look it, he's wearing 6 month clothing already. I'm a control freak. Literally...so much so that I was watching a DVR'ed Friday Night Lights last night..and I got to thinking. There is a girl on this show, in tenth grade, who is pregnant...she barely knows the dad but he is willing to support her in any way he can, her mother is pro abortion (because the same thing happened to her and she has been struggling with her 'mistake' ever since). So I get to thinking about what I would do if my daughter came to me with abortion on her mind. I can only hope that the way I raise her will give her the same opinion on the topic as I have, abortion is NOT an option. I mean that would be my grandbaby. If she didn't think she could handle it with the love and support of her father and I, then I would hand her my all and raise the baby as mine. I couldn't imagine 'killing' an innocent (or guilty for that matter) person. I mean, that's a little life. How could someone do that? And then my mind jumps to my son. What if he gets into a position like that? Ugh the thoughts that were going through my head. I guess though, all I can do is fill them with what I think is the right information their entires lives and hope they will both do whatever is right in each and every situation they face. My husband thinks I am crazy for thinking that far ahead, but in my defense, these last two years flew by, what makes him think the next 15 won't, you know? So, that's what has been going on inside my head this morning. Haha.